Pregnant After Facing Defeat and Surrendering to God
June 2, 2020
My husband and I were married in Sept of 2015. We knew we wanted a family so we did not waste any time in trying to start. I had always said if I wasn’t a mom by the time I was 30, I would just be everyone’s cool aunt. Being 27, this deadline seemed insignificant. Fast forward to 1.5 years later, I began to feel that pressure. The constant disappointment on my husband’s face with each negative pregnancy test broke my heart.
I sought help from our doctors, but this just seemed like an uphill battle. First, we had to fight to get tested, you had to wait 12 months of “consecutive” trying which is almost impossible with an active duty spouse, then when we finally got tested, there was no diagnosis. When we finally got our referral there was a wait. During our wait, I was prescribed 3 months of Clomid. Our meeting with the specialist happed in our 3rd round of Clomid, when they told me they wanted to move to more aggressive treatments, IUI. They wanted to start that month, but I had a work trip scheduled at the exact time we would need to be in the office. I felt defeated, here was our chance to finally get help but we would have to wait 2 more months because of a cruise we had scheduled. I finally gave it to God. It wasn’t our time but God’s time and that would mean a few more months.
Fast forward 3 weeks when I found myself staring at the first ever positive pregnancy test in my life. I turned 30 just 3 months before my daughter was born. God is constantly showing me that HIS time and HIS plans are bigger than mine could ever be. We named our daughter Eden, as a constant reminder of God’s perfect and abundant grace. She will be 2 in June.
Moms in the Making helped me to stop asking God “why me?” but to start to ask “Why not me?” When I stopped feeling sorry for myself but started to seek God in the hardship is when I saw a breakthrough. I never would have been able to flip that switch without the community of ladies speaking truth and life into me through Moms in the Making. Still today, as my husband and I dream about more kids, fear starts to sneak into the conversation, but I go back to our community to silence it.